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Journey to Kazakhstan (2008-02-12)

Category: Diary. Posted: 2008-02-16 15:22:49 GMT.

Not knowing how unreliable the buses would be, I had to leave a fair bit of time to get to Heathrow. Maybe I should have cycled to Heathrow, and left my bike stuff in left luggage at Heathrow, and charged the cost to expenses. I also didn't fancy leaving my bike at Heathrow when flying for company business, because I don't see why I should claim on my insurance if it's stolen. That reminds me - Sarah told me that I could claim mileage for company miles on a bike. To be honest, it's probably more hassle than it's worth, since it'll be me who has to re-design the expenses claim form. Still, out of principle, I'll claim if I cycle for work again.

Anyway, the 81 bus arrived fairly soon after I got to the bus stop (so I didn't have to use Beeline bus after all. The problem with using an 81 is that it doesn't go all the way to Heathrow (see Buses from Heathrow to Slough), but at least I didn't have to give money to the useless First Beeline company. I got to Heathrow, walked past the drug addicts smokers smoking at the entrance to the Tube, and went down the escalator to the airport. I found the information sign, and discovered that KLM flights depart from T4. If only I'd discovered this when I checked in online last night, I might have left a bit earlier.

I caught the Heathrow Express to T4 (I have to say, it's a nicer train than the Gatwick Express that I caught when I went to Michelle's wedding in Orlando). Fortunately, there wasn't much of a queue at the security check (and, unlike T2, no example of bad apostrophe usage). The bloke at security prompted everybody else about keys, coins, and liquids. I obviously looked like a seasoned traveller, because he didn't prompt me. Like a gimmer, I almost forgot the camera that I had attached to my belt! I then walked forward, only to be told that I had to wait until a male officer was free. That's not fair - I wouldn't have minded being patted down by totty! As it was, the scan didn't detect any metal on me, and the only sharp implement on me was my wit!

I then went in search of somewhere to have breakfast. If I'd been on holiday, I would have had a Stella and a full English breakfast, but decided that I really wanted to arrive in Kazakhstan with a clear head, so shouldn't start drinking before 8 o'clock in the morning! I called Sarah because I was unlikely to speak to her before I get back on Friday. Unfortunately, she didn't answer, so I didn't get to speak to her. While finishing my tea, I remembered to change the voicemail message on my personal mobile to say "I'm abroad, so please don't leave a message unless it's urgent". Having got through security, it was time to buy some deodorant, but it took ages to find a Boots. I was beginning to think that there wasn't one "airside", but eventually saw the green pharmacist cross, and bought some deodorant. While I was paying, my mobile started ringing. I assumed it would be Sarah calling me back, but didn't answer because I was talking to the bloke behind the counter. I then realised that I was "airside", and nobody had checked my passport, or visa.

I checked the missed call, and realised that it was my boss who'd called me. I called him back, and he told me that our customer had e-mailed me to give me the name of the hotel (the River Palace Hotel), and then e-mailed me again to give me the name of a different hotel (the Renco Hotel). Oh well, I was sure I'd find somewhere when I got there, and at least he'd remembered to check my e-mail while I was away. While I was talking to him, I heard the final call for my flight, so asked him to send the two names as a text message. He reckons he's no good with text messages, so I said I'd call him back. I then got on the plane. This was the first time that anybody had checked my passport, and, still, nobody had checked my visa. I was the last person on the plane, and I sat down, turned on my PDA, and called my boss back, so he could give me the names of the two hotels. I then called my mother to tell her that I was going to Kazakhstan.

There was lots of fog at Heathrow, so the plane took off about 40 minutes late. With only 1 hour 20 minutes to change planes at Amsterdam, a delay of 40 minutes concerned me. I asked one of the air hostesses, and she said that she'd find out about all connecting flights when they knew what time they'd land. She also explained to me how to use the emergency exit. I'd already worked it out myself, so just perved as she bent over several times. The flight didn't take too long, and one of the air hostesses announced that "all connecting flights will be realised". Fortunately, I actually woke up for this announcement. There was nobody to get annoyed at me for waiting until the last minute to stand up, but, this time, I did actually stand up as soon as the fasten seat-belt sign was turned off, because I didn't have long to change flights. Fortunately, I didn't have hold luggage to worry about.

I saw an ATM that gave dollars. I'd forgotten to put any dollars in my wallet before leaving home, so was tempted to get some out of the ATM, before I realised that I would be charged some dodgy exchange rate. I got to the departure gate, and saw the longest queue I've ever seen at the airport. I decided to sit down near the front, and wait for the queue to get to me. I turned on both phones to check that they both worked abroad. I was sure my personal one would, but I've never taken my work mobile abroad before. Both worked OK, and my work mobile had a voicemail message. It took me a while to figure out how to use Vodafone's voicemail abroad (give me Orange any day), but I listened to the message, and it was my boss leaving a message about the hotels.

Looking at the queue, there seemed very little totty. This didn't have the potential to be a good flight. The back of the queue eventually got to me, and I stood up. I got served by the totty, but then realised a slight flaw in my plan of not taking hold luggage, and buying deodorant when I'd got past security at Heathrow. The gimmers at Amsterdam insisted on checking my hand luggage again. Fortunately, they didn't spot the can of deodorant that was over 100ml. Despite the fairly slack scanning, it was the first time that anybody had checked my visa. Presumably, nobody at Heathrow needed to check my visa because I wasn't travelling outside the EU on that particular flight.

I then found my seat, and was surprised by my fellow passengers. I think that about 70% were British, and about 99% were male. I've never on a flight with so few women. Oh well, at least I had the air hostesses to perve at. I still didn't fancy a beer, so stuck with Coke® and beer. I must have been tired, because I woke up, and heard the engines. I wondered when we were going to take off, so looked out of the window to see clouds. Not only had I slept through take off, but the air hostess totty had just delivered headphones and a bag of in-flight stuff, and I hadn't woken up to perve. I didn't bother with the headphones, but, in between sleeping, I kept an eye on the TV while updating my blog. The first programme was a British comedy about playing gags on people. Despite the lack of sound, it seemed quite funny. The second was a film about being a nanny (something like Nanny Troubles, or The Nanny Diaries). I didn't pay any attention to the plot, but the nanny was top totty. I'm not sure, but I think that the actress's name was Scarlet Johnson. I know I've seen her on TV before. There was also some confusion about what food was available. The option was chicken, lamb, or pasta. Several people behind me ordered chicken, but were told that there was none left, so were given chicken. I ordered chicken, but was told there was none left, so was given lamb. Anyway, it was a fairly mild curry, but far nicer than the one in The Toby on Friday.

When we landed, I looked at the TV screen, and saw that the outside temperature was only just over 0°F (= -15°C). I don't think I've ever experienced a temperature lower than 0°F before. It didn't seem that cold as I stepped out of the plane, but I did notice that somebody filmed everybody who got off the plane. Everybody packed onto the bus that took us to the terminals, and the ground was quite icy underfoot as I walked to the departure terminals. I was going to have to be quite careful.

I was pleased to see that I was close to the front of the queue. I was less pleased to see that the queue didn't seem to be moving at all. In fact, the person at the front was being served, it was just taking ages. While waiting for my turn, I saw a few bags fall off the conveyor-belt - I'm so glad that I'd got all my luggage with me. Not only did I have my picture taken when I got off the plane, not only did I sent a picture to the Kazakhstan Embassy, but I had my picture taken for a third time when the passport bloke checked my details. I'd got very confused by the form on the plane, and he didn't even have the decency to take the form from me, he just left it in inside my passport.

I got to the public part of the airport (OK, the other side of the room), and was harassed by lots of taxi drivers offering me a lift. I tried to walk past them, but I then realised the most were actually holding cards. I didn't want to say what company I was visiting, just in case some dodgy taxi driver just repeated it, but gave up, and said the name of the company. Immediately, the correct driver showed his card, and ushered me away. He didn't speak English, but managed to explain that we had to wait for two more people. While I was waiting around, I had another voicemail on my work phone, so I tried to access it. The call was refused. I tried using the call back feature, but that was blocked too. My personal Orange phone worked without a problem, so I eventually used that to collect my work Vodafone voicemail. Annoyingly, it was a junk call. I gave up trying to figure out why my Vodafone phone would make calls in Holland, receive calls in Kazakhstan, but not make calls in Kazakhstan. I have no idea about text messages in Kazakhstan, but I got a text message from Bird on my personal mobile.

While I was trying to figure out how to get my phone to work, I kept getting hassled by taxi drivers. Now and again, the company driver came over to get rid of the more persistent taxi drivers. Eventually, he took me outside, unlocked the minibus, turned the heaters on, and left me safe in there. Top man!

Just as the minibus had begun to warm up, the other two people arrived, accompanied by a totty translator. Why wasn't she there to meet me? One of the blokes was quite helpful, and asked the totty translator to ask the driver where I was staying. I didn't understand the answer, but they all seemed happy. The bloke also gave me the office telephone number, and advised me not to walk on the streets alone at night. We got to the hotel, and they said that I would probably get picked up in the morning. If not, then I could always walk across the river. When they said "walk across the river", that's exactly what they meant - it was frozen solid! The driver said "The Renco", but actually dropped me off at the "River Palace Hotel". The useful bloke said that they would wait outside until I gave them a thumbs up.

It's a good job that the bloke had suggested this, because the hotel didn't have any record of my reservation. I went back out to the minibus and explained to the totty translator, who explained the problem to the driver. Just as he started talking to somebody on the phone, one of the birds from reception came out to say that they'd found my reservation. After taking a photocopy of my passport, they gave me my room key, but didn't give me any directions to my room. I wasn't impressed to have to ask for directions, and the reception Bird seemed quite hassled to have to give me directions. I then realised that the bloke hanging around was a Bellboy, who offered to carry my bag to the room. There was no need for him to carry my bags, especially since I had no local currency to tip him. He showed me to my room, and didn't actually seem to hang around waiting for a tip. I got confused by the sign by the door that said to use the torch if there was a power cut - there wasn't a torch, or even an empty torch holder. Fortunately, I'd brought one of my bike lights with me, just in case.

Now I was safe inside my hotel, I decided it was time to start on the beer. Before doing this, I called the office to say I'd arrived OK, and also called my mother. She didn't answer her mobile, so I left a message on the landline. Before finding somewhere to eat, I had a quick shave. I managed to cut myself quite a few times, and it looked as if I'd tried to hang myself! The plug in the washbasin didn't hold the water in very well, but it was built into the sink, so I couldn't remove it, and replace it with my one.

I then went downstairs for a pizza, and some Amstel. As I was ordering the pizza, I felt my mobile vibrating. It was my mother calling back. Seeing the missed call alert, she was worried that I would only have called if it was an emergency. She has a good point, I have never called before to say that I'd arrived OK. I assured her that everything was OK, and then settled down for a few Amstels, and had to smile when I saw the amusing cutlery holder. Still feeling thirsty, I took a beer up to my room, and continued writing up my blog. While writing up my blog, I had a missed call from New Zealand at 00:06. I have a feeling that returning it might cost be quite a bit of money!

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