Totty Trains

My Summer Holiday to Florida - Sarasota

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Thursday the 24th - The State Park and Alligators
Getting around Sarasota was going to involve a car, so Steve dropped me off at the car hire (sorry, car rental) place on his way to work. All the paperwork seemed easy, but I was a little bit worried about driving on the wrong side of the road. The guvna showed me to the car - which was ready with the engine running. I got into the car, sat in the driver's seat, looked down and saw this weird gearstick. Out I got and back into the car rental place. "Excuse me", I said, "I'm British, can you explain the gears to me?".

After figuring out that I just needed to use D, P and R (the 1 and 2 are only used for keeping the car in a low gear), I drove back to Steve's place for a quick kip. I then covered myself in Factor50 and headed off to the State Park (I can't remember the name). I found my way without any problems and didn't try to drive on the wrong side of the road once. I parked the car and wondered around - there didn't seem to be much there. I stopped some bloke and ask him for directions:

Me: "Where do I go to get to the air boat rides?"
Bloke: "You need to go down that road, about 2 miles"
Me: "Thank-you, should I walk, or should I drive?"
Bloke: "It's 2 miles"

He seemed to think that saying "It's 2 miles" answered the question and went off. Anyway, not really trusting his estimation of distance, I decided to drive.

When I got there, it was about 45 minutes before the next boat left, so I stopped at the café and had some Gator Soup. It was actually vegetable soup with one bit of 'gator meat in it. Although I had been warned that 'gator meat was grim, I gave it a go. It wasn't the nicest thing I've ever eaten, but it wasn't as bad as Steve had made out.

Anyway, we got on the boat and it took us round the lake. The guy said that we shouldn't be surprised if we didn't see any 'gators. We saw a couple, but they soon hid under the water when the boat got close. As we came up along side "the Boardwalk", the bloke in charge said, "Right. Now we moon those people on the Boardwalk". I didn't realise that he was joking!

I spent the rest of the day wondering around the park. It was quite a relaxing day. There wasn't much traffic in the park, so it didn't really matter when I went the wrong way around a roundabout. Funny thing was, the American totty behind me followed me round the roundabout. I'm such a trendsetter.

Thursday is Steve's work's big night out (a lot of the shop floor guvnas don't work on Friday), so we headed off to this pub that serves lots of different types of foreign beer. There were quite a lot of Steve's workmates there, and they all seemed very friendly. Some of the women were fairly sexy, but none was single (yes, I know that's never stopped me before, but it seemed rather rude to give it a go!).

Friday the 25th - The Mote Aquarium
I had a lie in while Steve went off to work. There were quite a few things that I thought about doing, but didn't want to do too much in one day. The Mote Aquarium seemed like a good idea, so off I went. There was so much to see - I even saw a deep-sea squid called Molly - does that name have something to do with large things? We ought to be told. There were a couple of "touchy pools" where everybody could put their hands into the water and feel all the little sea creatures. It was an excellent idea, but it attracted far too much pokiness.

Attached to the Aquarium were the rehabilitation centre and the manatee tank. I'd never seen anything quite like them before - they are amazing creatures. After going around both the centres, I was hungry and thirsty, so I stopped off at "The Old Salty Sea Dog" for something to eat and drink. It had Stella on draft, but I was driving and didn't really fancy beer anyway (don't tell anybody!).

When Steve got back from work, we were both quite knackered, so we just watched a film on cable and knocked back a few beers.

Saturday the 26th - My last full day in America
Steve had some guvening to do, so I headed off to the Sarasota Jungle Gardens. It was a brilliant day out. I saw alligators and crocodiles being fed. I also found some Minor Birds that said "Hello" and wolf-whistled at me. I spent about 5 minutes trying to teach them to say "totty", but didn't get anywhere. I also saw a long-tailed monkey thing (like Ross's pet monkey in Friends). I tried singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" to it, but it didn't pay any attention to me.

There was some totty looking after all the parrots, so I went over to hold one (the things I do for a perve). There were plenty of different events held throughout the day that kept me entertained and almost out of trouble. It was a really nice day at the Jungle Gardens, but my mind was elsewhere a lot of the day - Steve was taking me to Hooters tonight and I was going to take my passport so that I could get served. Gordy had gone earlier on in the year and was proud of getting his picture taken with one of the Hooters girls. I was going to have to get one of those pictures myself.

After some gimmering around, we headed off to Hooters. It is definitely my kind of place. Not only are the waitresses sexy, the food and beer is good, the service is excellent, the music great and the waitresses very friendly. I could have spent my whole holiday in that bar! After we'd eaten, I asked one of the waitresses if I could have my picture taken with her - she obliged. A bit later, our waitress and I asked if I could have my picture taken with her. "Yes", she said, "hold on a minute, I'll just get some of my friends". 30 seconds later, I was inside having my picture taken with 4 of them. 2 others then joined them and I had my picture taken with 6 gorgeous women. I was in love.

We stopped off at the Brewing Company for a quick one before we headed back to Steve's place for more drinks. It was a really nice end to a brilliant holiday.

Sunday the 27th - The journey home
Unfortunately, there wasn't time to have a go on Steve's ride-on lawnmower (Gordy's one up on me on that one). We just finished off Friday's pizza for lunch and headed off to the airport. I don't think that Steve and I stopped laughing or perving the whole time that I was in Florida and the journey to the airport was no exception!

Checking in at the airport, I found out that my 17:25 BA flight had been cancelled and replaced by a 17:55 charter flight. "Have you got any questions", asked the check-in bloke. "Yes", I replied, "I don't have to pay for my beer do I?". It was all OK, it was BA food served by a charter airline. All was OK again. I tried to get to the departure gates, but went round in a circle three times before I went the right way.

One of the plane's engines needed fixing, so we didn't take off until 19:00 - I wouldn't have minded, but they wouldn't serve beer until we were in the air. There was a fair bit of pokiness on the flight (I even got moved from my allocated seat, so that pokiness could have the nice seat - the cheek of it), but also some nice totty.

The pilot made up good time in the air and only landed about an hour later than the BA flight should have done. I then went into work (via the chemist's shop to get my Hooters pictures developed).


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Created on: 30 Aug 2003. Modified on: 30 Aug 2003.
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