Totty Roads

Danny and Dave 2007 Trip 3

GingerCherry
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Friday

Before leaving work, I called Gordy to ask him to buy some eggs for our breakfast, because he had the afternoon off. He said that he would. I didn't have time to leave work very early, but still made sure that I had time for preventative Scotch Egg on the way to the car hire place. I had a chat with the woman who's started working at National Car Rental again. I'm going to have to tell her that the bloke that she works with is known as FastTrackBoy! I went home via Slough Scuba to collect my fixed dry-suit, and my cylinders, but just managed to avoid the traffic between J6 and J5 when TomTom suddenly connected to the 'net, and found out about the delay. I hadn't had time to pack clothes the night before, but all my dive kit was packed and ready. It didn't take me too long to load everything into the car, and set off to collect Gordy. Yet again, TomTom saved the day - traffic on the M4 was almost stationary between J6 and J7, so TomTom diverted me via Slough, thus saving a delay of about 30 minutes. I ended up getting to Gordy and Emma's place later than I had hoped, and found Gordy sitting outside with his dive kit, reading a book. I packed the stuff in the car, while Gordy carried it to the car. The useless Gimmer hadn't bought any eggs. I don't get this sort of behaviour with Dindin.

Not only had Gordy not bought any eggs, but he insisted on turning off the voice on TomTom, so I had to keep on looking at the screen, rather than concentrating on the road. Although we left late, TomTom avoided the traffic that Rich and Chris got stuck in, so we made reasonable time. We stopped at Columpton Services for a bite to eat, and a jimmy. The urinals had been fitted with water saving devices that stopped water flowing away too quickly. This meant that most urinals were half-full with urine. No wonder people don't seem to concentrate very well when they're driving - the colour of the urine showed serious levels of dehydration. I went to MacDonald's to buy a meal, and most people in front of me placed their orders, and then got told to wait for 5 minutes. When I got to the front of the queue, I said, "I'd like a meal with Coke®, and whatever burger I don't have to wait for". The woman looked confused, so I said, "Do I have to wait for a BigMac, or is there one ready?". She replied, "No, there's one ready". "A Big Mac meal, in that case, please", I replied. Job done!

We got to the Brixton campsite in time for last orders (which we knew was at midnight), so put the tents up before going to the pub. I'd forgotten that Rob and Nic were coming, so it was a nice surprise to see them. I didn't want to waste too much time blowing up my bed, so just folded it in half, and put my blanket on top of it. I still hadn't fixed the holes in my groundsheet, but the grass didn't seem too wet. Gordy refused to share a tent with me, so we had to put up two tents. Gordy kindly moved the car to shine the headlights onto our tents, with my tent getting the bulk of the light! Rich and Chris had already arrived, but nobody was in the pub, because there was a terrible band playing. Gordy and I were gagging for a pint, so we went to the pub. We sensibly went to the bar side (where the band wasn't playing), I ordered "a pint of San Migel, and whatever the bloke with a ginger beard wants", and we went to sit down next to a table full of totty. Nice choice Gordy - you're almost forgiven for not buying the eggs. I couldn't persuade Gordy into a second pint (as he pointed out, he was already tired, and I didn't want him to be grumpy in the morning), so we went back to the campsite. I didn't know what time we were diving, but Gordy said we needed to get up at six, so I set an alarm. As I set my alarm, I read a text message that Rich had sent earlier - "F*cking awful band in pub. Have gone looking 4 somewhere else". Gordy reminded me that he would be wearing ear-plugs, so that I shouldn't just assume that he'd hear us outside.

Saturday

Having had a good night's sleep, I woke up at 6AM, and put the kettle on. I made sure that Gordy was awake, but it took him a while to actually get out of the tent. It was a while before anybody else got up. When they did, I discovered that Gordy had been wrong about what time we needed to get up. I should have known better than to listen to him. Still, he did redeem himself slightly by bringing a camping chair for me. Still, getting up early meant we had more tea-drinking, gimmering, time. Nic was far more reliable than Gordy, and had brought eggs. I was a little concerned that she wasn't wearing her "Camp" trousers, but Gordy had asked her not to, because he didn't feel comfortable staring at her arse the whole time. Strange bloke - it seemed like a good thing to me! We had a slight smell of burning flesh during breakfast - Rich's stove went out, so he put his hand over the top, and turned the gas on. Just as I was about to point out the smouldering grass underneath, it caught alight. Oops!

The plan was to dive the Oregan for a first dive, and, when we got to Bovi, we found out that the plan hadn't changed. Gordy had complained on the way down here about how long it takes me to kit up, so I decided to show everybody that I can actually kit up quickly. Nick and Max met us at Bovi, and we started getting our kit together. First things first, we had to drink tea, and Gordy had to get a fill. Gimmeration, if I'd known that he needed a fill, I wouldn't have got mine filled yesterday, and we'd have got to the pub earlier yesterday. Oh well. The water was quite flat, so we got out to the Oregan quite quickly (to speed-up the kitting up process, I put on my three dive computers, and one glove, while we were going along). Once we were there, I put my weight-belt on, got into my twin-set, clipped on my stage (thanks to Rob for his help), and put my fins on. I was first ready, so had to sit around fully kitted up, waiting for Gordy to finish kitting up.

We were the first ones in, so Danny asked us to send up an SMB quickly if the shot wasn't on the wreck. Just as we were about to go in, I asked about a maximum dive time. Gordy said, "Don't ask, and you won't be told". It made me smile, but I didn't agree. Danny said an hour, I asked for an hour and a half, and we compromised on 80 minutes. We got to the bottom of the shot quite quickly, and could see the wreck in the distance. We dragged the shot to the wreck, and I remembered to take a bearing, so we could tell Danny which way to pull it up. I hate to admit it, but Gordy is actually quite a good buddy. His torch needed charging, so I leant him my spare one. During the dive, he felt the need to try feeding it to a conga! We also found the rudder, and some other bits of wreck that I can't remember. With a fair amount of deco to do, we started our ascent. I used the SMB, because I wanted to check that my repaired SMB still worked. It seemed OK, but, with no SMB to hold onto, Gordy found it difficult to hold his stop very well. If I'd realised that, I would have let him use it. Unsurprisingly, we were last back on the boat.

Back on dry land, it was time to drink tea, and eat burgers. Once I'd finished sorting out my kit, I went to lock the car up, and found Gordy's pants draped over one of the doors. I can cope with pants being draped over wing mirrors, but I had to touch his pants to take them off the car door before closing it. Yuck! Dindin never leaves his pants draped over the car doors. Anyway, Danny's daughter was working today - it was nice to see her, we hadn't seen her for a while. After lunch, it was time to get ready for diving the JEL (no need for stages on this dive). As we were sorting stuff out, Max and I saw a really fat bloke wearing a "World Gym" T-shirt. I wish I'd taken a picture, because it was quite an amusing sight! As I was walking towards the boat, I saw a bloke who looked like Peter Kay, so I spent the rest of the afternoon singing, "Show me the way to Amarillo".

We decided that we should go off the end of the JEL, and try to find the stern. This seemed like a good idea to me - I'd failed miserably to find the stern when I'd been diving with Granny, so was up for trying it again. Danny gave us the compass bearing, and in we went. I gave my compass to Gordy, and let him navigate. We found a random bit of wreckage, but not much else. After a while, Gordy turned around 180°, and swam off. I laughed as I followed him, hoping that he'd be going in the right direction. I didn't actually realise that he'd turned around 180° to head back to the JEL, I thought he was just correcting his direction. I was surprised when we got back to the JEL. We found a brilliant swim through, but Gordy's torch still wasn't charged, so I suggested that he borrowed my spare one again. I couldn't be bothered to take it out of my pouch, so I pointed to my pouch, and suggested that he took it out. The cheeky bugger swam up, unclipped my main torch, and swam off. I caught up with him half-way into the swim-through, and grabbed hold of him. He came back out, handed me my compass, and swam back in again. I grabbed him again, but this time pressed the inflate button on his wing as hard as I could. He didn't realise, but came out of the swim-through, and gave me my torch back. I then went through first. It was one of the tightest squeeze-throughs I've done, but I got there in the end. Once inside, I looked back, and realised that if we had ascended slightly, there was loads of room. Still, even if I had realised that, I wouldn't have gone for the easy option. We managed to get out at the other end, and then surfaced. I hadn't realised, but Gordy got really scared while getting stuck in the swim-through. He only had about 10 bar of air left, and had visions of dying on the JEL. We got back on the boat safely, and headed back to dry land.

After tea, we went off to QAB to get some nitrox fills, because we were going to do the Totnes Castle in the morning. While Gordy was gimmering around looking at dive kit, I asked the bloke about the showers. He told me that I need to key to open them. I said, "Oh, I don't have one of those.". He then handed me his key, and off I went. Excellent! We met the others for a quick pint, and then went shopping for BBQ stuff. Gordy decided what to buy, and bought very healthily. Between us, we had enough stuff for breakfast, so headed back to the campsite (without having to go via Manhattan for a shower).

While we were cooking, Rich got out the union jacks, because it was Last Night of the Proms. I said that I wanted to get tickets next year, but Rich said that tickets for the Proms were very expensive (obviously ignorant of the fact that the whole point of the proms is to bring music to the masses). While we were eating, Nick and Max started putting up a tent. I couldn't figure out why they were putting up a tent, and had to smile when they found out that they had no poles! My amusement was short-lived, because Gordy said, "Oh well. It looks like we're sharing". Gimmeration, they were putting up a tent, because they'd driven down this morning! We finished our dinner, did the washing up, and moved Gordy's stuff into my tent (because I'd blown the air-bed up).

It was then time for the pub. I can't remember much about the evening, but the landlady was looking as good as normal, and Gordy complained that Dindin has followed my style of diving. He also doesn't leave his pants on the doors of the car!

After we finished drinking, Gordy had to have his three wees before going to bed. While waiting for this, I sent Emma a text message, which said, "He's still trying to have his third pee! Remind Winston she should go out with me! Love, Billy". She replied, and said, "I'm glad someone else can see how ridiculous he is! Will pass message on to Winston. Can you hear gordons heart beat?". I was going to reply, but couldn't get over her bad apostrophe usage. I also discovered that "apostrophe" isn't in the Nokia dictionary. How had I never discovered that before?

Sunday

Without Gordy being crap, we got up at a more reasonable time. I got a text message from Sarah, which said, "Oh no! I've just spotted a text i sent last night that said "if you change you're mind" - the shame!!!". Tut tut! We took the tents down, lazily packed the car, and then went to Bovvie.

The arguments about where to dive continued, with Max saying that she didn't want to dive in stronger than a knot-and-a half. This seemed fair enough, but Max was getting quite upset. I don't think Nick helped by saying, "Come on Max. Stop throwing your toys out of the pram"! We got our kit on the boat, and started motoring out to sea. Rich had a word with Danny, and told us that the current was 2 knots, and slackening off. He asked whether we wanted to do the Totnes Castle (as planned), or the Rose Hill. Everybody said that they didn't care, and Max just said "neither". In an attept to keep Max happy, we did the Rose Hill, although that did mean the fills that we'd got yesterday were wasted.

Gordy made the mistake of saying, "There's no rush", so I didn't rush. I can't remember much about the dive, but we found a few swim-throughs, and some big congas. Gordy was quite dehydrated, so we did a fair few extra minutes' worth of deco. Back on dry land, we had time for tea and a burger (controversially, Gordy had a healthy sandwich that we'd bought yesterday). I was a bit tired, so went for a quick kip in the motor. Gordy got bored, so sat in the passenger seat, and tried to keep me awake. He really can be an inconsiderate, ginger twat sometimes. Actually, I take that back - it's most of time. Come back Dindin!

Our second dive of the day was Hillsea Point. Danny dropped the shot with a rope that was slightly too short, and lost it. He gave me a lifting bag, so we could lift it if we found it. Gordy and I didn't find it, but Nick and Max did. They then found us, explained to us where it was, and off we went. Unfortunately, the current was too strong for me, so we surfaced. We drove around a bit looking for the shot, but couldn't find it. I don't know why, but Nick and Max didn't mark it when they found it.

Once we'd packed up the car, Gordy paid the bill. This has never happened before, strange things are afoot. I went to have a quick chat with Danny and Dave before leaving. This annoyed Gordy because he thought I was doing it deliberately to annoy him. I wasn't, but the fact it did annoy him was an added bonus! Not only did Gordy pay for the diving, and the food, but he paid for the petrol on the way back as well.

The milk we had in the car didn't seem too bad, so I had a cuppa at Emma and Gordy's house before driving back to Slough. We commented on my air consumption being much better than Gordy's, and Emma pointed out that it was due to all the cycling that I do. Gordy had a sulk then, because he does exercise as well. I got Emma off the hook by pointing out that I'd only recently started cycling, so it was the difference that mattered!

TomTom took me back along the A303 and M3. This seemed a bit strange, but worked quite well. By the time I got home, I was knackered. If only I'd been able to have a kip after lunch.

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Created on: 15 Sep 2007. Modified on: 11 Oct 2007.
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