Totty Trains

Nick and Max's Plymouth Trip - June 2005

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It all started a few weeks before we went to the Red Sea, when Max e-mailed Scary and me to ask whether we'd like to join her and Nick on their boat for the weekend. Not having been on Muskateer for years, I was up for it. Scary wasn't, so I went in search of another buddy. Not having been on Muskateer for years either, Tom was up for it (ooh-err). Then, we went off to the Red Sea, but that's another story...

When we got back from the Red Sea, Tom realised that he had too much work to catch up with, so had to drop out. Fortunately, I managed to persuade Dindin that "he knew it made sense" to come along.

Friday 24th June
Forgetting about the new speed cameras in Wiltshire, I arrived in Bath in good time (with a slight pause to read a multimedia cleavage message from Cherryboy). We chucked Dindin's kit into the motor, and off we went (managing to stop off at the Macdonald's services, despite it not being signposted).

On the way there, Dindin had the controversial idea of putting the tent up BEFORE going to the pub. What was the man thinking about? Still, having taken my new-found short-cut, we arrived at the campsite at about 9:30, so I agreed to the controversial idea! We found a space next to mad smarty boy, and Dindin put the tent up. While he was doing that, I inflated the air bed using my twin-set. Considering I was planning on doing two dives off my twin 12s, compared with Dindin who was going to use two 15s, maybe that was a bad idea!

Anyway, we arrived at the Foxhound in time for a few beers. We got there to find out that it was a Tarts and Vicars kareoke night. We went to the quiet side to get served, and then plucked up the courage to venture next door. It looked like a bit of a giggle, with a fair bit of Elvis action.

For an old perve like me, a tarts and vicars night is an absolute nightmare. In the corner of my eye, I would see some sexy fishnet stockings. What do I do? Ignore it because it's a bloke? No, there's a 0.1% chance that it's sexy totty! A risk not worth taking - I perved at dozens of blokes, just in case they were totty. The worrying thing was that the nun selling raffle tickets did look very sexy.

Anyway, after several "tarts" singing "Like a Virgin", it was time for the disco. Dindin and I were up for staying and getting bladdered, but we had to be good (despite the late entrance of sober totty with great cleavage). We arrived in time to watch Nick & Max putting up their tent, and then hit the sack.

Saturday
Almost a lie-in for a diving trip (7am). Dindin was up straight away (ooh-err), and set about cooking us breakfast (I helped with the eggs). We then left for Mount Batten, to launch the boat. It was a lean, keen, non-gimmering operation. Nick wanted to buy a GPS card from a shope at QAB, so, with plenty of spare time before slack, we headed over there. There wasn't much totty to perve at, and the shop opened too late.

Disappointed, we left for the Oregan. I'd never dived it before, so was looking forward to it. We got there about an hour before slack, to find that the local sub-aqua club had permanantly shotted it. After being entertained by a sun fish (not a basking shark), we went in. I can't remember much about the dive, but it was a good guven. I do remember some kind of nature trail, but can't remember much else, except pulling a muscle while finning into the boat, and the unco-operative sea cucumbers.

Off we went to the Persier [possible mis-spelling]. We found a hard boat already moored up to the permanant shot, so we tied up to him (Maid Maggie. I think). Nick and Max seemed to know the skipper quite well - he seemed like a nice bloke, but such a dirty old man, that he made me look like a saint!

The Persier (like the Maine) didn't dissappoint. The shot was right next to the boilers, so we didn't miss them. We didn't make it to the jacuzzi, but the sea cucumbers (as always) didn't fail to amuse. We had to cut the dive a little bit short, because I was getting a bit low on air (bloody air bed).

Max very nicely suggested that we drop the cylinders off at Sound Diving (QAB), so that I didn't have to spend any money at Deep Blue. Top idea, but I wasn't very impressed that Dindin didn't offer to help me with the trolley. Still, I got my own back by telling him about all the totty that he'd missed [talking about totty, I'm sat in the Wetherspoon's in Scarborough, and there's loads about].

Another slick operation getting the boat out, and Dindin and I went back to the campsite via the chippy. We were being very good that weekend - without Scary and MarkE to lead us astray, we had tea with the fish 'n' chips, instead of stubbies. Still, we had enough time for a few beers (Senorita Beater) in the Foxhound (the barman looked knackered after the previous night's entertainment). Dindin set the alarm for another late start, promising to wake me up with the sound of boiling water. The plan was to do two dives at the Eddistone. I prefer wrecks, but the Eddistone does have a bit of deepish action.

Sunday
Waking me up with the sound of boiling water, my arse! I had to do tea, sausages, and eggs myself!

Anyway, we had planned to do the Eddistone, but it was a bit choppy. The Totnes Castle was another option. I obviously preferred the wreck option, Nick wasn't diving because of rebreather problems, and neither Max or Dindin had a preference. Totty Castle it was. We had loads of time before slack, so headed into Bovi for tea and pasties.

After a bit of perving as well, we left for the Totnes Castle. Dindin was driving, but, because of the waves, it took a bit longer than expected. When we got there, Max wasn't up for diving, so it was just Dindin and me. I didn't want to do more than 15 minutes ascending, so I suggested putting the SMB up when we had about 10 minutes "time to surface". Dindin agreed, so in we went.

It was quite a small wreck (about the size of the Elk), so we swam around a few times (Titanic impressions at both the blunt and sharp ends). Knowing that we'd find the shot easily, I didn't bother with the SMB. With about 12 minutes TTS, Dindin got his SMB out. I pointed to the shotline behind him, and he put it away. We swam around a bit, and got back to the shotline with 15 minutes TTS. Instead of going straight up the shot, Dindin then dragged it almost the whole length of the wreck (despite it not being tangled where it lay!). Narcosis is brilliant, but so much for my 15 minutes TTS!

Unfortunately, getting the boat back out of the water took ages, because we arrived just before low water. Still, it gave Max and me time to take the tents down before getting the boat out.

Despite falling asleep on the way back, I still beat Dindin at the Passion Wagon game!

Thanks everybody for a great weekend.

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Created on: 26 Jun 2005. Modified on: 26 Jun 2005.
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