Rob's Lyme Bay Trip
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It all started when Rob Smith (the nice Rob Smith, not the tosser who used to be in the dive club) e-mailed everybody to see who was up for a bit of Bank Holiday action. There were supposed to be 12 of us, but Dave didn't want to come if there wasn't space for Sarah, and Nick and Max dropped out at the last minute. That left 9 of us:
Bird had already dropped my cylinders off at Slough Scuba during the week, so I just needed to pick up of hire car, pick up my cylinders, pack the car, and then drive down to Weymouth.
The car that I had was in a class of its own. It didn't have a key, just a credit card sized fob. All I had to do was insert the fob, and then press start. I didn't even need to take off the handbrake - the car did that for me when I lifted the clutch to drive off. It all seemed like hard work, but I thought that I might get the hang of it by the end of the weekend.
There was some top totty travelling down on the M3, but I couldn't really drive along and use TottyCam at the same time! It was gradually getting darker as I drove down towards Devon, so I decided to turn the headlights on. I was shocked to realise that the car had already turned them on for me. What else did this car do?
In Weymouth, I met up with Rich and Chris at Alf's chippy, and they kindly bought Fish 'n' Chips for everybody. We met up with Gordy, Emily, and MarkV at the campsite. Rob had already paid a 50 quid deposit, but they were being asked to pay a "good behaviour bond". Gordy was getting more and more annoyed with the unhelpful people behind the counter. I turned up in time to hear:
Guvna: Where will we put you?
Gordy: Somewhere far away from noisy children.
Guvna: This is a family campsite, if you want to camp away from children, you'll need to find another campsite.
Gordy: I would like to, but everywhere else is full. That's why we're here!
Top man Gordy - how to win friends and influence people. We then had to drive around the campsite looking for somewhere to camp, because Gordy had ignored all the guvna's directions.
Anyway, up went the tents and off we went to Bagwell Farm. Rob & Becky turned up just before we left, but had to head off to pick up Tania from the station. Emily gave me my birthday present ( a Stella barrel - top lass).
We had a quick planning session in the pub, and also tried to explain to Gordon the difference between England, Great Britain, the United Kingdom, and the British Isles. I also told everybody that I'd got a GCSE Grade A in my German exam (some gimmers pointed out that I could have got an A*).
A couple of pints later, and we headed back to the campsite. I had been demoted from Mark's West Wing, so Gordy had to put up with my snoring. Fortunately, he had a good supply of ear plugs.
As usual, we had an early start, to make sure that we had time for eggs and tea before we left. We all slept well, except for Tania, who hadn't got any ear plugs, so had been kept awake most of the night (I won't say by who, but it wasn't me).
I put all my kit in the Landrover, and kept Emily company on the drive from Weymouth to Lyme Bay. Not much to report about getting the boats in the water, we just got on with it, and it all worked quite well. We had an argument with the car park attendant (well she shouted at Emily, about 10 seconds after we'd pulled into the car park with the boat).
I was shocked to find that I wasn't going to be diving with Emily, but, instead, I was going to be diving as a 3 with Gordy and Mark. I was going to have to make sure that I got a totty dive later.
Anyway, we headed off to some part of the sea where we could get a good drift dive. We were on the 2nd wave, so gimmered around on the boats for a while. Then we all jumped in and went down. After a couple of minutes, I saw that Gordy had found a scallop. Not to be outdone, I went in search of some more. I found one straight away, and then found another down a hole. I put my head down the hole, picked up the scallop and then looked back up again. No Gordy or Mark to be seen. I swam around for a few minutes, but couldn't find them. I surfaced. Gordy decided that I was big enough and ugly enough to look after myself, so carried on regardless. While we were down (Emily says "ooh-err"), Rich had an argument with a fisherman.
Back on the surface, Rich told us that another dive boat had lost a complete set of kit over the side. I therefore got back into their boat and they dropped me where the kit had been dropped. I did my best to find the kit, but the current was picking up, and I ended up not having much choice about where I was going.
Back on Bath Tub, we headed back to Lyme Bay to change over cylinders (not for twin-set Billy) and have a bit of sausage and chip action. There was a lot of pokiness around, but also a fair bit of totty. Way-hay!
For the second dive (my third), we did a wreck called Baygitano (or something like that). I was going to get my totty dive in this time, so Emily, Gordy, Tania ("The only real totty" - according to Gordy), and I were left on the boats while the others dived.
While we were sorting out things on the boat, we managed to knock the only 'A' flag overboard - excellent job! I say "we", according to Gordy, it was me!
[2/9/04 18:01 I'm on my way home, and have just seen two women with excellent logos across their chests:
* "I'm game if you've got the balls!"
* "Squeeze me, I'm juicy!"]
[12/09/04: Emily's helping me finish this]
Not long after losing the 'A' flag, a fisherman came up (probably Rich's mate from earlier). He was heading straight for Emily and me, but we weren't going to get out of his way. He then went over to Gordy, who politely told him that we had divers down. The fisherman had a good old strop ("You should have an 'A' flag", "I've been doing this for 30 years", "I should be able to fish where I want", "I haven't had sex for years" - that type of thing). After whizzing around the SMBs for a while, he eventually buggered off to annoy somebody else.
Rich and Chris surfaced, and Rich said that the boilers of the wreck were north of the shot. We went down the shot, swam north, and then lost the wreck - maybe I should navigate next time ("no dear"). We still had a laugh, finding a long grabby thing, and some swimming scallops.
We got the boats back out of the water fairly quickly and headed back to the campsite. Dinner at Bagwell Farm (the TV was on because the Olympics had been on, and I tried very hard to ignore Casualty, because I'd set the video to record it). We planned the next day's diving, even though strong winds were forecast (sorry, my fault for having a curry). Mark Vowles didn't seem too impressed when I said that he fancied Sarah.
We could hear the wind blowing outside as soon as we woke up - we were fairly sure that we wouldn't be doing any diving. Despite the wind, after breakfast, Gordy, Rich, and Chris went off to look at the sea. They came back a while later, to report that it far too choppy to venture out of Portland harbour, so we called it a day.
The others went off fossil hunting, but I headed home. While fossil hunting, Mark Vowles managed to lose the boat keys, so the padlock had to be smashed open. On my way back, it started raining, and I was disappointed to find out that the windscreen wipers didn't turn on automatically. A bit later on, I did notice that they worked faster and slower, depending on how heavy the rain was.
I got back in good time, only to find out that my video had missed the last minute or two of Casualty, so I might as well have watched it in the pub! Still, it kept me entertained while I drank my birthday present from Becky (a bottle of Stella).
I had to fill the car up with diesel before I returned it, so stopped of at the Tesco garage on the way. My card was refused, and it took ages for the bloke to get authorisation. When I got back, I called the bank, and found out that there had been some suspicious transactions. Upon closer inspection, I found that the two biggest ones were for £200 worth of adult sex toys - definitely not one of my purchases!
While I was doing this, Mark Vowles went back down to Weymouth in search of the keys.
PS: Cherryboy wants to know whether the car that I was driving was a Renault. Could somebody tell him? I haven't got a clue.
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Created on: 01 Sep 2004. Modified on: 19 Sep 2004.
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