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DDRC April 03

Totty Roads
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It all started when young (well, young to me) Mr Hayhurst sent out an e-mail to the club reminding us that it was the DDRC's open-day on the 12th of April. Bearing in mind my previous experience of a hyperbaric chamber, I thought that this was worth supporting, so booked my ticket straight away. Robin "Cherry Boy" White was also up for it and offered to drive.

Closer to the event, Emma decided that she fancied coming (ooh-err) and decided that we should make a weekend of it by booking some B&Bs and going out for Stella and curry. With such an offer, we soon had Scary, Mark, Colleen, Emily and Little Tim Viney interested. Only one slight problem - Scary realised that he was under the thumb and was supposed to be seeing Isabel that weekend. He decided that he'd miss out on the DDRC bit, but that he and Isabell would join us for the evening's entertainment.

I sponged a lift from Slough to Bath with my mate, Darren, and got to Scary and Scroat's place by about 6pm. In time for a can of Stella and a quick look at ratemyboobs.com.

Gordy was going to watch some football match, so Scary and I headed into town for a curry. After much deliberation, we decided to go to the one by the MoD buildings near Sainsbury's. The service was good and there was some nice totty, but the food wasn't brilliant and the Mattar Paneer was made with chickpeas.

It had all the potential to be a brilliant weekend, with one problem. Although Gordy had kindly offerred to work Emma's shift at Mike's, the guy he was supposed to be working with was being a gimmer and refusing to work. Emma had to work, but she did get double time and the cost of the B&B.

Anyway after the curry, we went to Batey's for a couple of jars via the GPT. We knew Ian was working and hoped he'd buy us a drink - no such luck! Still, the totty made up for the prices. We met Mark and Colleen and then went to The Assembly for some cheaper Stella, but less totty.

After putting half the GDP of Germany into the Chris Tarrent machine (but, weren't the slaps worth it), we decided that we'd had enough Stella and headed back to Scary and Scroat's place (with Jon and Scary still unsure who'd had the Ford photos last.

Emma then realised that we hadn't made arrangements to meet in the morning. She made some frantic phone calls on the way back. I just left her to it (too many guvnas spoil the guvna).

I woke up the next morning to find out that the plans had changed again. Robin was to pick Tim and me up and take me to Mark's. Mark was then going to drive us all down. This all made sense as we were driving up to Mark's, except for one thing - I couldn't see where Emily fitted into the plan. Poor girl, neither Mark nor Robin had Emily's number, so had hoped she'd drive down. Fortunately, I had her number and Robin and I went to pick her up (I almost caught her in the shower).

The journey down was giggle. Robin expected me to navigate, even though I was still drunk, and insisted on sticking to the speed limit. Still, we got there dot on 10:30. Just in time for me to start my gimmering with the simple art of buying 2 raffle tickets.

Anyway, we met up with Mark and Colleen and went to the 1st lecture. This was an interesting one by the Devon and Cornwall Police divers. We got talked through the kit that they use (Buddy wasn't mentioned too many times) and what kinds off situations they get involved in. It was interesting to find out that there is a lot of evidence that can be found on a body even if it's been in the water a while. We also found out that, unlike on land, deaths at sea are treated as accidental until proved otherwise. This lecture proved more poignant because we'd been searching for a missing diver only 2 weeks before.

We then went outside into the lovely sunshine to let off some flares. Emily did an excellent Statue of Liberty impression. I thought, "If she can do it, so can I". It sounded so easy - all I had to do was cock the flare (ooh-err), hold it high in my left hand and hit it hard with my right. Well, I held it high in my left hand, moved my right hand quickly towards the flare and missed the flare!

The next lecture was on Emergency Scenarios. This was quite interesting with input from the RNLI, Coastguard and the Navy. Apparently, the Navy pilot and Navy diver were both a bit of alright (although, in my opinion, not as sexy as the RNLI flares bird).

After a bit of lunch, we had a tour round the pod. I signed up to be a guinea pig in some nitrogen narcosis trials. I don't expect I'll be called - with my gimmering around with the flare on the surface - I can't be any use at all at 40m!

Anyway, all in all a brilliant day - except none of us won the raffle.

We then headed into town to find the B&B. Robin gave me a list of useless directions (never use yell.com for directions), so we ended up having a domestic and getting lost loads. Still, we did stop arguing when Emily said "Oh, I've just got it in the back now". After having checked into the B&B, we headed further into town to meet Scary and Isobel. We started on the Stella and didn't look back. We found a nice Himalayan Curry House that even served Stella. The waiter was quite entertaining, managing to have a dig at almost all of us. I can't remember all of what he said, but he said that I looked like Anthony Hopkins and Emily looked like Sonia from BellEnders (cheek).

Some of the guys went to see the Aquarium on the Sunday, but Mark, Colleen and I headed back to Bath.

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Created on: 13 Apr 2003. Modified on: 13 Apr 2003.
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